Living Free

A Weekend to Remember

2009-03-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

So, this past weekend, ryan suprised me with a weekend away, and also got tickets for the weekend to remember conference. We didn't make it to much of the conference, but the night we did go...it was very nice. The speaker and his wife had been through 6 miscarraiges, so that was interesting, to see how painful events can either bring you closer as a couple, or tear you apart...

Other then the conference...we stayed in Baltimore at the waterfront Marriot on the 26th floor. The view was amazing. We spend a good bit of time looking out the window, lol. We don't get out much I guess! We tried different foods...an Asian restaurant and a Tai one as well...that was the best sushi.

It was so nice to be free of responsibility and relax. It reminded me of our dating days...in high school...we were best friends and didn't worry about a thing. We still are best friends--just have a lot more decisions to make, kids to care for etc.

And now...back to reality :o)

Ryan graduates next week...the kids and I are driving down...THAT should be interesting. I am debating driving through the night. Then, another 6 weeks to go.

Bumper Sticker

2009-03-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

At work today, I read a bumper sticker that said...

"Get a life. be a Christian"

I really don't like bumper stickers. What purpose do they serve and what difference are they making?

Anyway...in other news...ryan is coming home this weekend! What a suprise :) I have been really very stressed at work and home with a lot of demands...so I will really appreciate this time. And, we won't be moving...we will hopefully just be relaxing.

Bobby

2009-03-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

I laid awake last night thinking about Bobby. He was an old man, an alcoholic, that came every day to the bar I attended**

**As a side note, I attended the bar because I had to. My foster family dropped me at the age of 18, when the checks stopped coming in....so I then found a full time job as a mortgage loan processor...went to school full time at night, 4 nights a week, and worked at the bar until 2 am 3 nights a week. I was surviving. I was determined to not let my circumstances crush me**

Bobby was so sweet...yet, he had nobody...no family, no friends, just his alcohol and the bar he faithfully attended every evening from 4pm until 9pm. He staggared out and staggared in -- he was lonely, he was searching, and he wasn't finding the answer.

I would pray for him at the bar. I wrote poems about him. I talked to him and learned his story -- he was amazing. I wanted so badly to tell him about Jesus...but I didn't. I was young...I was afraid to get fired...for one thing...and I just didn't know how he would respond.

I quit working there after two months, because it was hurting too bad to see those people wasting their lives. I found out that Bobby died only days after I quit.

What if I had told him about my Jesus..and it changed his life...a soul saved. I don't want any more "what-if's" in my life.

Snow Days ... and Random Acts of Kindness

2009-01-29T11:39:00.000-08:00

One thing God does for me when Ryan leaves is teaches me that sometimes we have to ask for help. It is just so difficult for me. I always try to be strong...I can do it myself... Well, I know that we should be humble, and able to ask for help. So, I have been, and I am so thankful for great friends who are there when you need them.

(Why is it that last year there were NO snow days, but then, Ryan leaves for 4 months, and we have THREE snow days in a row? God is trying to develop my endurance! )

On another note...a family at church sent me pizza the other day. As I got home, frazzled and wondering how I was going to pack, make dinner, get the kids uniforms ready...and...well, get to bed sometime...the pizza man knocked on my door! It was so wonderful, I actually got tears in my eyes (yes, pregnancy hormones make me SUPER sensitive...but that is another blog). Anyway, I just wanted to share that because I thought it was so special...so thoughtful. I have gotten flowers, cards, candles....but never a pizza on a bad day! Sometimes it is those random acts of kindness that remind us that God does care.

The Military Wife...

2009-01-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

She's Mommy and Daddy all rolled into one,
She'll never rest easy until her job's done,
She sits all alone and in silence she weeps,
Did I do a good job, is my family okay?
But deep in her heart she knows that it's true,
God is right beside her helping her through...

Super Mom

2009-01-09T13:39:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while since I've updated -- I will try to do better.

Ryan left for Chaplain School Sunday -- and, well, it has been a huge adjustment. We learn so many things about each other, and learn to be more thankful during these absences. I, especially, have more appreciation for all Ryan does when he is here. The kids miss him terribly. Here is my typical day:

5:00 AM: Alarm Rings
5:25 AM: Slowly get out of Bed
5:30 AM: Quiet time, Read Bible, Pray
6:30 PM: Wake Kids up
Prepare Breakfast
Assist in getting uniforms on
Get dressed, hair, ready for work
Make sure all homework is done and appropriate papers are read and turned in
Feed Kitty
8:00AM Sierra and Gabe out the door in the car and to school
8:30 Commute to work
9:00 PM WORK
5:00PM Commute to kids
5:30 Get home MAKE DINNER
6:00PM Eat
Clean up
Take Trash Out
Homework
Baths
Devotions
Read Books
Call Daddy
8:30PM SLEEP

At this rate -- the time will fly faster then I can imagine.

Trusting God

2008-10-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

There are those times in life when you see and hear God all around you, and then there are those times when He seems to far away. The past few months, to me, God has seemed far away. Something happened yesterday….one of those “God moments”….that reminded me that God is here with me that this path we are traveling is His will.

I had begun to wonder if we are on the right path…living in the right area (it’s so expensive here!)…. Working at the right job (it’s kind of stressful)…sending the kids to the right school (public school is free!)…and yesterday, God said to me….yes, I want you here.

I received a call from the Church on the Rock, where Sierra and Gabriel go to school. The second tuition payment is due (they separate it into three payments). I got a chill and wondered how we can make this work. Then, not even two hours later, my manager came to me and said that I was going to receive a bonus for this quarter. One of the largest bonus’s I’ve received in the two years as a researcher here; the exact amount to cover the tuition for school.

That is a God moment. One of those things that happen that I know He is speaking directly to me, reassuring and comforting me, letting me know that while this time is difficult, I can always know that if I stick with it, and don’t look for the easy way out, that He will provide for our needs.

Family

2008-10-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

Family is something that I grew up without. Now, my God has blessed me with the most loving, fun, and caring family I could ever imagine. I am so very thankful.

Time

2008-10-16T10:10:00.001-07:00

There is not enough time in the day. When will life slow down?

Sick Kids...

2008-10-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

Kids have been sick for almost 2 weeks now. The typical cough...runny nose...cranky. They always get it at the same time. Gabe had a fever last night and slept with us. Took Sierra to the doctor yesterday and he is convinced she has asthma.

It is hard watching my kids suffer. I wonder if that is how God feels as he looks at our lives ... his children ... suffering because of sin. As Gabe was crying, I silently dreamed of a day in heaven where there will be no tears...no pain.

Happy Birthday Gabriel

2008-09-24T07:25:00.001-07:00

My little Gabriel is THREE years old today. The time has slipped away so quickly, and on his birthday I am reminded how thankful I am for him. Today was also his first day of school -- and, ryan said, he was very excited. I'm sure he will be the class clown. He absolutly loves life...and people. I pray that I appreciate this day, and every day, and not wish one second away hoping for the future. Before I know it ... these days will be past ...

Happy Birthday, Gabe. I love you!

It's Friday

2008-09-19T08:46:00.001-07:00

I made it to Friday -- my first week back to full time. Every day gets a little easier, and, I am starting to believe I can do this. As a mom, my heart cries out to be with my kids. I know that some women feel they are called to a career, and there was a time I thought that as well. But, when I held Sierra for the first time, my whole life changed.

God is teaching me through every step of this process about sacrifice...humility...and trust. Anything you do, that is truly worth it, will not be easy. It will be a struggle, but in the end, the reward will be greater that you would ever imagine.

Fasting

2008-09-17T12:31:00.000-07:00

I spoke to Ryan on the phone a few minutes ago. He said..."I was going to fast today ... but then I got hungry..."

** To Ryan's credit, he did exercise heavily in the morning and figured he needed food for energy to get through the day. Good point....

Full Time

2008-09-16T06:09:00.001-07:00

This is my first week back to work full-time. This is a huge change for me, my kids are growing up, I will only see them for a few hours every night...but I have peace because I know they have daddy there for him. And, a wonderful daddy he is. This time in our lives is certainly a struggle, but each step of the way, I see God there, leading us, and picking us up when we fall.

Yesterday Ryan sent flowers to my office with a note that said, "Thank you for your sacrifice..."

My Favorite Song....

2008-09-03T05:14:00.000-07:00

On A Corner In Memphis

Saturday on Beale St. with the drunk and the searching
I hear an old man playing guitar
I can't make out what he's saying
But I can tell you that he's suffered
And that he means every word from the bottom
Of what's left of his heart tonight
A few hours later, I slip into church
Singing songs about saving grace
One guy's nodding off and another hates to be here
And we all mouth the words to save face

It's 11:15 on Sunday morning
And I wish I wasOn a corner in Memphis listening to the old man
Singing out his sorrows and laying down his pride
He's telling me his story or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide'
Cause we are all broken here
We are all ashamed
I couldn't fool you if I wanted to
Our stories are too much the same

And what about this Jesus?
They say He drank with the poor and the blind and the lame
Do you think He'd like the songs that we sing?
Or would He feel the same as I do?
What if Sunday School was on Saturday night?
What if their heart-breaking cries of pain
Are the first hymns of tomorrow's saints?
On a corner in Memphis, we're singing with the old man
Crying for his sorrows and laying down our pride
He's telling us our story, or at least his side
With no need to pretend and nowhere to hide
On a corner in Memphis

A day at the MVA

2008-08-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the MVA. Time to renew my license, and get a new one, for that matter, since I lost my license 2 weeks ago. I get my ticket; I wait in a crowded room with a 2 and 4 year old for two hours; I get my new license. Hooray!

Only an hour later….I have lost my license yet again.

Fishing

2008-08-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I watched my kids go fishing for the first time. This reminded me of one of my favorite verses...

4:18 As he was walking by the Sea of Galilee he saw two brothers, Simon (called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea (for they were fishermen). 4:19 He said to them, “Follow me, and I will turn you into fishers of people.” 4:20 They left their nets immediately and followed him. 4:21 Going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in a boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets. Then Jesus called them. 4:22 They immediately left the boat and their father and followed him.
—Matthew 4:18-22

As I was reading this, I did some searching...what I seem to do best, and found an awesome commentary on these verses. The author observed the following:

The strenuousness of evangelism (unlike line-fishing, which is often caricatured as a means to get a good nap, net-fishing is very labor-intensive)
The work ethic that it required more than a focus on the skill involved
Persistence and dedication to the task (often in spite of minimal results)
The infinite value of the new “catch” (viz., people)

I pray that I will chose daily to do what the disciples did...let go of everything and follow Jesus....regardless of sacrifices...pain.... Because I know that eternity will last much longer then this life.

School Uniforms

2008-08-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

The phone rang...uniforms are ready; come pick them up. Is this really happening? Our two babies (excuse me...children) are going to school? Sierra will be in Pre-K 4 and Gabriel will be in Pre-K 3. They are both so excited, and I am thanking God for the blessing of being a mom. I have learned more from them then they may ever learn from me.

The Unexpected Journey

2008-08-02T04:35:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book now, titled "The Unexpected Journey," that captures the amazing life stories of 12 people and their unexpected journey from other faiths to Christianity. What an amazing illustration, and what an amazing journey. This is the beginning of the McKinnon family blog, and our most certainly unexpected journey from boy meets girl, to accepting Christ, to marriage, to children, to military deployments, ROTC, constant changes, and most recently...Seminary...Grad School...and the first day of Pre-Kindergarten.

I thank you for coming along with us on this journey, and pray that you will be blessed along the way.